I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
