my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just google imaged poop.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
