I'm eating all of the evidence.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
