i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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