You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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