I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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