Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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