Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
