well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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