you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
