i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
