I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
