The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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