these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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