i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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