I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I did not marry a roomba.
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