drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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