dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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