i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
