that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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