We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
