The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
