He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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