A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
