you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
