just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
