Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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