A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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