I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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