you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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