How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
