i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
