What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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