"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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