My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
