youre lurking in front of me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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