Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
