All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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