sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
