I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
