When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
