I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
