Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat

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(510): View more from California

I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(845): View more from New York

the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.

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(309): View more from Illinois

My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag

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(775): View more from Nevada

I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.

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