I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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