hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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