I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need a beard to bite.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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