That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
