highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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