How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
