I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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