with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
