Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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