Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I want is dick and wine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
