Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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