I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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