You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
