Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
