I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
