So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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