I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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