im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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