i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
