she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
