The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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