Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
