I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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