Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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