WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The Olympian is in my bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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