Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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