so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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