I cockslap morals
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
