I wanna bring you to show and tell
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
