Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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