She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
