I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
