just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
